We like to romanticise marriage as this perfect, forever kind of thing. Two people, madly in love, figuring life out together. But the truth is far less glossy. Marriage is work. It’s beautiful work, yes, but it’s also messy, tiring, and full of moments where you feel completely out of sync with the person sleeping next to you.Between long workdays, family expectations, kids, bills, and the general chaos of adult life, couples often slip into survival mode. Conversations become transactional. Who’s picking up groceries? Did you pay the bill? And somewhere along the way, the emotional connection starts to thin out. Not because people stop caring, but because they stop really talking.And talking isn’t easy. Saying “I feel unloved” or “I felt ignored this week” can feel awkward, even risky. It can quickly turn into an argument if one person gets defensive or shuts down. So many couples avoid these conversations altogether, choosing silence over discomfort. Which, as it turns out, is how resentment quietly builds.Enter James Sexton, a New York–based divorce and family lawyer who has seen more relationships fall apart than most of us would like to imagine. On a recent episode of the BigDeal podcast with Codie Sanchez, he shared a surprisingly simple habit that he swears can change the course of a marriage. He calls it the “walk and talk.”The idea is refreshingly low-effort. Once a week, you and your partner go for a walk. No phones. No distractions. But there is a purpose. During this walk, each person shares a few things the other did that week that made them feel loved. And then, gently, one or two things that didn’t land well – moments where they felt unseen, unheard, or a little hurt.It’s not about blaming or keeping score. It’s about honesty, said out loud, in real time.Sexton says the magic lies in the structure. Because when this becomes a regular thing, it stops feeling like an ambush. It’s no longer, “Why are you bringing this up now?” It’s just part of the routine. This is what we do. This is how we check in.
A loving Indian couple shares a heartfelt conversation, bathed in the warm glow of golden hour sunlight in a tranquil park.
He even shared a story about a couple who were already in the middle of divorce proceedings when they tried this. They didn’t end up splitting. In fact, they’re still married more than a decade later.What makes the “walk and talk” work is that it creates a safe space. No yelling. No interruptions. Just two people listening, without immediately trying to defend themselves. It also catches small issues early, before they turn into the kind of problems that feel impossible to fix.And here’s the part that really hits home. Sexton points out that if you struggle to name even three small things your partner did in a week that made you feel loved, that’s not a failure of the exercise. That’s information. Important information.The beauty of this habit is how little it asks of you. No therapy bills. No grand gestures. Just time, honesty, and a willingness to listen. Sometimes, that’s all a relationship needs to find its footing again.
