Like so many people who have chosen to terminate a pregnancy out of love and compassion for their babies, I felt violated by the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade in 2022. As attacks on access to abortion and reproductive health care escalate, my grief is evolving into rage.
Carrying a pregnancy at the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020 was stressful, especially as a health care provider who saw patients every day. But, I was exceedingly cautious. I took steps to protect myself, my family and the little girl we were eager to welcome into the world. When I learned that I had been unknowingly infected with an entirely different virus, and that I had passed it to my daughter in utero, I was devastated. In an instant, my husband and I went from organizing a nursery to organizing a trip out of state to terminate a pregnancy we desperately wanted.
I learned that I was pregnant with my daughter, Nora Rose, on Mother’s Day in 2020. With a young son at home, my husband and I were eager to grow our family and immediately fell in love with our new baby. My pregnancy was progressing normally, and I was delighted in imagining what our first days at home as a family would look like. My world turned upside down at my 24-week anatomy scan when I saw my baby on the ultrasound monitor.
As an OB-GYN with nearly a decade of experience, I knew immediately that something was wrong. Nora’s head measured extremely small (<1%), and it was clear that she had microcephaly, a serious condition related to brain development. Microcephaly can have many causes, some with minor health implications and others with more serious consequences. I needed more testing to understand what was going on with my baby.
The devastating results came back two days later. My daughter had been infected with a common virus that typically infects people in early childhood, cytomegalovirus (CMV). This virus isn’t dangerous to most people, and there is no vaccine. However, if a developing baby contracts this in early pregnancy through the mother, it can cause a severe fetal infection. I knew that the condition meant I could lose Nora Rose at any moment, and if she survived, she would live with devastating developmental and mental disabilities.
My husband and I were heartbroken. I knew that what happened to Nora Rose was not my fault, and I knew that I couldn’t change it. No medication, surgery or therapy could heal the permanent damage this virus had done to her vulnerable developing brain. I’m an experienced OB-GYN, but it was my instinct as a loving mother above all that led me to choose termination. My husband and I chose mercy out of love for our child. The results of the election don’t change that.
At the time, Roe v. Wade was still the law of the land, but in Wisconsin, abortion was banned after 21 6/7 weeks. At 25-weeks pregnant, with COVID-19 infections surging across the country, I was forced to travel to Colorado to do what was best for Nora Rose. Brokenhearted, my husband and I made the trip and ended our pregnancy.
I wish I could have stayed in a place near my doctors and the support of my loved ones. Instead, my husband and I had to leave our son and fly across the country to an office where everything and everyone was unfamiliar. It was the most painful plane ride of my life.
I struggled to keep it together in the airport, on the plane, in public, but I still found myself trying to hide the tears streaming down my face. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and someone was crushing it in front of me.
My abortion was a multiple-day process that had us there for almost a week. Logistically most people would struggle to afford this time and financial burden; the procedure cost $6,000, not including travel and other expenses.
There were protesters outside the office shouting at me and my husband. We wanted and loved our baby, and these people had no knowledge of our heartbreaking tragedy, yet they yelled at us and judged us. This was unbelievably cruel and painful.
After we finally got home, I did not want to shower or look at my naked body for weeks because I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I still miss my daughter every day, and will never forget my Nora Rose. I planted a rose garden in my yard for her and have a small memorial there for her.
Photo courtesy of Dr. Anna Igler
Every new attack on access to abortion and reproductive health care feels like a stinging indictment of my choice as a medical professional, and as a parent. Politicians have no business making personal medical decisions for anyone. I know that more attacks are coming, and I am steeling myself for what’s ahead.
I am also enraged that politicians with no medical degree, knowledge or expertise are telling me and all obstetricians how to take care of our patients. This is dangerous, and we will continue to see women suffer and die until there is federal protection for abortion across every state.
I am outraged by the relentless attacks on abortion access, but more than anything, I am insulted by the lies anti-abortion extremists are telling millions of Americans today. They want to ban abortion nationwide and demonize people like me, but they know that the majority of Americans support protecting access to abortion. Last week, seven states passed ballot initiatives to protect, restore, and expand abortion access. Instead of being honest about their plans to roll back our rights even further, extremist lawmakers are attempting to distance themselves from these unpopular and dangerous policies. I won’t let that happen. I am sharing my story and telling the truth about how abortion bans hurt women and families.
In sharing my story, I’ve found passion, purpose and community. I am a proud member of a Facebook group for people who have experienced pregnancy loss or made difficult decisions of their own. We are over 3,000 members strong, and we offer one another support, understanding and compassion. No matter who is the president, we will continue to build strength and resilience.
Pregnancy can be complicated, and what we’ve experienced is not uncommon. That’s why I continue to share my story, even when it is painful and difficult to relive. The stakes have never been higher, and we have to be explicit. Attacks on reproductive freedom hurt all of us, and we deserve better than the future anti-abortion extremists have planned.
Dr. Anna Igler is an OB-GYN from Green Bay, Wisconsin. Dr. Igler is a proud mom, wife, and advocate for reproductive freedom, including access to IVF treatment.
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