A woman or man chooses to be at home for reasons such as adverse health issues, family circumstances or simply to escape the rat-race.
| Photo Credit: SREEJITH R. KUMAR
I am a homemaker, and I am “genuinely” busy.
Despite numerous advancements in the 21st century, society continues to be judgmental and narrow-minded when it comes to women.
One common misconception is that a homemaker is always free, has “loads and loads” of free time, and is thoroughly occupied throughout the day in one of the two “vices” — watching soaps and gossiping with neighbours and friends.
My mother was a homemaker, and I had never seen her “free” any time during the day. Those were the days when families rarely took the services of domestic helps, and hence my mother was occupied with her chores from dawn to dusk. An excellent cook, she laid out a different menu every day, painstakingly choosing vegetables and greens. Thankfully for her, my father was an expert in cutting vegetables and used to help her out as much as possible.
I feel her active lifestyle is the sole reason for her being healthy in her late seventies.
Yes, I have a domestic help, and I do watch TV (more of a movie-buff though, was never a fan of daily soaps), but that does not mean I am free all through the day. I do have chores, repairs and maintenance (plumbing, electronic gadgets, two-wheeler and so on), doctor visits for parents-in-law and child, a daily walking routine, hobbies, and so on, keeping me busy most of the day.
One day, I was discussing my son’s 10th grade marks with an old acquaintance of mine, an elderly woman. As the grades were not extraordinary, she was quick to point out: “You are at home all the time.. why don’t you concentrate more on his studies… are you sitting beside him when he studies? Do you give him regular tests?”
So, the final verdict is: If the mother is a homemaker, then the children ought to get outstanding grades; else, she is obviously not doing her job well enough (which implicitly means she is idling away her time, doing insignificant things).
The other day, my neighbour came up with a request. She needed someone to help her out (free of cost, of course) in building new software for some “influential” (politically well-connected) friend of hers. At once, I politely refused stating I don’t have time. Her reply was: “Oh come on, you are at home, right (meaning you are jobless)? Why don’t you take it as an opportunity to revisit your programming skills (else, what is the use of studying anyway)? You can put your free time (that is all day) to some good use…”
The bottom line was I am financially insecure (means I live off my husband’s earnings), and I am a homemaker (I am bound to be free all the time) and hence I should be doing “something” worthwhile (at no charge) rather than wasting my talent.
Another big challenge comes when attending social gatherings. I inadvertently bump into some elderly folks who are ever ready to shower free advice: “Oh.. You quit your job… good… take rest (meaning sleep and watch TV all day)… you know jobs are very stressful nowadays (which means homemakers are stress-free)… why don’t you start taking tuitions during the evenings… you know it is very profitable.. you know Mrs. so-and-so from so-and-so place (his distant relative)… she is earning in thousands every month… She handles tuitions for children up to 12th standard. She is a very smart woman (that is, someone who has a good income)…”
I cordially replied that there is no room to accommodate many children at my place. Pat comes the reply: “Why don’t you try taking online tuitions… I know Ms. so-and-so who does that… it seems the pay is very good nowadays..”
To summarise, only those who earn are smart and talented, and the rest are dumb and unfortunate.
A person (man or woman) chooses to be at home for various reasons: adverse health issues, family circumstances or simply to escape the rat-race. It is high time society respected their decision and allows them to live in peace. Live and let live.
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