In a recent Instagram post by Neuroglobe, neuroscientist Chase Hughes shared a fascinating insight into the art of reading people. He explained that the fastest way to truly understand someone isn’t by focusing on their words but on what they want you to feel about them. Ask yourself these two simple yet incredibly powerful questions: What does this person want me to notice? And what do they want me to feel about them? These questions help you see into the surface of things; and uncover the “mask” behind which people hide their true feelings. Under this mask often lies vulnerability, insecurity, or shame, emotions that they may go to great lengths to hide.
Masks are a natural defence mechanism, often created to hide mental discomfort or shame. They help people cope with cognitive dissonance—the inner conflict that arises when their actions don’t match how they feel about themselves. For instance, a person being over-aggressive or arrogant might have deep-seated fear or insecurity. Their confidence is a way of protecting their fragile self-esteem.
This mask may appear different from person to person. Some can come across as boastful, while others appear to be overconfident or defensive. But in every situation, the outward image is a form of posturing to control what others think or feel about them. The real truth, however, is often the opposite of what they’re showing. What they want you to notice might be their strength, success, or charisma, but what they don’t want you to see is the vulnerability or fear lurking beneath.
By asking the two key questions—What do they want me to notice? and What do they want me to feel about them? —you can begin to see past the mask. This isn’t about judging or overanalyzing their every action, but about understanding the deeper reasons behind their behaviour. For example, their aggressive tone or boastful words might actually come from insecurity or self-doubt.
Once you look behind the mask, you can realise what they are actually feeling. A seemingly confident person may be terrified of being rejected, or a tough guy may be scared of showing weakness. These observations encourage further sentiments of empathy and compassion through which you start connecting with people on a deeper level.
What makes this approach so powerful isn’t just that it helps you read people—it helps you understand them. We all wear masks to some degree, hiding parts of ourselves we feel too vulnerable to show. But if we take the time to look beyond the surface, we can uncover the underlying humanity in every interaction.
Try to see past the mask of the next person you meet. Notice their actions, but keep in mind they want you to feel a certain way about them. Sometimes people act more confident than they really are, using humour or cockiness to hide their insecurities. By noticing these signs, you can learn more about who they truly are and why they behave the way they do. In a world where many hide their true selves, it’s important to look past the surface. This helps us connect more deeply and understand people for who they really are, not just the image they want to project.
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