The question of ‘Why me?’

At some point in our lives, most of us will ask “Why me?” A few unfortunates may end up asking this question repeatedly, a very few blessed ones may not have to ask it at all, while the rest will ask it at least once. This question arises only after the occurrence of a negatively perceived event. It never ever pops up after a positive occurrence. The unexpected loss of a close family member or a disturbing diagnosis of a chronic disease are some instances where this question is asked.

Hundreds of thousands of visitors had thronged the Baisaran meadows in Pahalgam in the past few years. On the wretched day of April 22, 26 tourists lost their lives. This left their spouses and family members asking “Why me?” People who had visited the previous day and those who had planned to visit the next day would have let out a huge sigh of relief, whilst grieving with the nation for the loss of innocent lives.

The diagnosis of a few diseases would evoke a similar response from the patients. A cancer with a poor prognosis, turning seropositive for HIV and getting a heart attack even after following a strict diet and exercise regimen are a few examples where the question arises. Skin disorders, with most running a chronic course, are another common stimulator for the question. Getting a definitive diagnosis seems a lot better than suffering with an undiagnosed illness. One of my aunts is unable to find out what ails her, even after consulting multiple doctors in our family and others across specialties. Even an exome sequencing did not help. She repeatedly keeps on asking “Why me?”, as she continues to struggle with her regular bouts of fever with chills.

Such is the power wielded by this question that it makes even the pious doubt the existence of God. There are a few questions or occurrences that neither modern science nor priests/fathers are able to explain. They can provide some vague answer, but it won’t be satisfactory. “Why me?” is one such question that more often than not, remains unanswered. For the majority of those who ask this question, what we need to remember in times like this is acceptance. Only after acceptance, the greatest healer of physical, mental and emotional wounds, time, starts doing its arduous job.

On the contrary, acceptance and giving time ‘time’ to act are not the answer if this question arises in the context of an incurable illness. There is absolutely no answer to a few “Why me” posers. That is just the way our World is. It is not perfect, it is not utopian. It is what it is. So, those of you who are yet to ask this dreaded question, God forbid, count yourselves lucky and celebrate each passing day.

surajnagarajaiah@gmail.com