Being a parent is no cakewalk. No matter how aware, informed, and prepared you are, you will face new challenges every day. There is no such thing as a ‘good mother’ or ‘good father’ or ‘good parent’. What is possible, however, is learning how to raise emotionally healthy children, especially in this era. World‑renowned developmental psychologist and parenting expert Dr. Aliza Pressman has shared the single best parenting advice you might have ever heard. In a Mel Robbins podcast, Dr Pressman shared one principle that will change how you parent forever.
What is the best parenting advice?
When Mel Robbins asked Dr Pressman about the best parenting advice she knows, the psychologist said, “All feelings are welcome. All behaviours are not. That’s it.”Yes, that’s right. Their feelings are valid, but how they act upon them matters. “Like if you were sitting there trying to figure out what to do, whether it’s a tantrum from a toddler or whether or not your, you know, teenager just went way too far when they stole the car because they desperately wanted to go to the party, but you said, no, whatever it is, the feelings that are underneath it are welcome. There are no wrong feelings. We are allowed and will feel how we feel. And it’s really urgent that we know that we’re allowed to have whatever feelings we have, but then we still get to say the behaviors are not all welcome. That is not okay to do, to steal the car,” she explained.
All feelings are welcome, but…
Dr Pressman also reflected on a personal experience, when her daughter appeared upset, because of thinking something bad about her sibling. “When I think about it, I recall when my daughter said something to me when she was four years old. She came to me and she was so upset. She said, I think God’s going to be really mad at me now. I don’t know where she even got that whole thing, but I said, tell me why. And she said, because I had this horrible thought about my sister. And I was like, Oh my gosh. So what did you do? And she said, I thought about it, and what she thought was just how terrible her sister was for breaking something.”Dr Pressman continued, “And I said to her, ‘Oh, sweetheart, you get to feel and think about anything.’ And we all have thoughts that we would not like other people to know and feelings that we would not like other people to know, but how you act is the thing that you have to pay attention to. But just feeling those feelings, that is just part of being a person. And she was so relieved. The psychologist emphasized how important it was to be okay to have feelings regardless of what they are. “It was so sad. A little four-year-old didn’t know that you’re allowed to think, I hate you. And so I just think about, if you can grow up knowing that you’re allowed to feel however you want to feel, how many times have you said, I should be grateful. I’m going to stop thinking this way. I’m going to stop feeling this way. And you don’t even give yourself the space to have all the feelings that people have,” she said. So, tell your kid, and know yourselves that it’s okay to have all kinds of feelings. According to Dr Pressman, this advice is not just limited to parenting, but also applies to people of all ages.
